Thursday, February 16, 2006

Illness? I'm a Mother!

It struck me the other day that since I had M, I have generally been less ill (appalling sentence structure there, but hey ho!).

And, when I do feel pants, it is just impossible for me to curl up in a ball like I used to. Almost to the point where I struggle through the day, knowing that I am ill, but not wanting it to get to me, but then as soon as A walks through the door at the end of the day, illness overcomes me, and I feel pants.

Why is that? Its because I'm a mother. How can I possibly let my son down; not spend time with him during the day; fall into the self-pitying stupor that I used to do?

I don't think that I soldier on regardless as such, just that I won't allow myself to get ill. Is that psychological? Does that mean that previously I used to not actually be that ill, but convince myself that I was, just because it was so easy back then to take a day out from life?

And I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm sure that legions of mothers do exactly the same thing. We convince ourselves that we feel fine, because what other option do we have?
When A is too sick to work, he doesn't go. When I am too sick to look after my son, what happens? I look after my son. A doesn't take time off work to look after M (or me for that matter!), because what would he say to his employers? He doesn't get paid for the first few sick days as it is, so saying that he's taking time off to look after his son is hardly going to go down well.
I'm not saying that if I was really ill, he would carry on working, just that in the past I would have taken time off for a lot less.

OK, I'm really not sure where I'm going with this. I had a point initially but it feels like its got lost somewhere along the way.

I guess its something that I just noticed, and felt worth commenting on (you may disagree!)

1 comment:

Nic said...

I keep meaning to comment on this post and forgetting and now its all on its own with no comments so I have to ;o)
Yep, I'm with you on this one, Mums can't be ill, its not allowed. M had a cold last week and was whinging then came home from work armed with every pill under the earth before shuffling up the bed for the rest of the day/night. The next morning I told him to pull himself together. If I have a cold I think 'I can't be ill, I have too much to do and people relying on me to look after them' and I'm not ill, might feel shitty but still carry on. If he has a cold he thinks 'Urgh, I'm really ill, I feel crap, must go to bed and whinge'
AND as if we needed more proof of this phenomenom....when I was on my own with the kids in Monmouth in December, we all had that sickness bug thing. I was throwing up all night, J was throwing up, the next morning I rang him up and asked him to come home because I had noone who could help me and how can you look after a vomitting child when you have your head down the loo and the other baby wanting to know what the attraction is to the toilet and he said 'You're never ill, you'll be fine, just put yourselves to bed!!'