Thursday, April 06, 2006

Jaded-ness

I felt very sad the other night when I came home from dinner with a group of mums. Don't get me wrong, I had a good time, even though they weren't really my sort of people.

It was just that they all seemed so jaded. It was commented that I must be the one with the youngest child, as I was still so positive in my outlook. I admit that I was the only one there with less than 2 children, and I have no idea what difference more than 1 has on your life compared to just having a single child.

They just seemed to place such little value on what they do, what mothers do. They feel that they achieve nothing all day. One said (let's call her C) that it regularly takes her a couple of hours to get out of the house because her eldest just won't allow it. My reply to her was that she got out of the house eventually and so that was an achievement in itself. I understand that sometimes mums go from having a 'career' to being a SAHM and that the two worlds are very different, and it can open up a whole load of different emotions, guilt, inadequacy, etc but sometimes I feel that we only accent the negative stuff and don't celebrate the positive, however small it may be.


I just feel that mums do a fantastic job, and sometimes we don't feel like that, either because no one tells us (and we need telling every now and then) or because it doesn't feel like we achieve anything compared to the woman who leaves the house to go to work.

I certainly worry that I am frequently fobbing M off, when he wants to play, and to be honest, I just can't be bothered. But then even little things can teach him stuff and please him immensely. For example, just now, I pushed him up and down the hall on his ride-along, and even though I was wondering how I could stop pushing him without it causing a scene, I was trying to show him how to steer it so we didn't end up in the wall. Only a little thing, but important nonetheless, especially if you want to cut down on bruises and blood loss!

So, come on mums, value what you do, you are doing an extremely important and difficult job, and you know what, you're doing great!

2 comments:

Al said...

I have 3 children and I'm not in the least bit jaded!! It is difficult sometimes when things take so long, like getting them to clean their teeth without telling them a thousand times, but we were all like that once and are our parents still in the doldrums? I don't think so!! I've never had just "one" child, being cursed with twins first time round, but I had both my work life and my home life and felt I balanced both well and it is possible to have a great life as well as having kids. Kids grow up before you know it and it's important to keep a bit of yourself just for you iyswim, I think quite a lot of mums don't and that's when they end up "jaded" as you call it.

You're doing a fab job, I can't be bothered to do things with Jack sometimes, I think if I gave 100% of my time to all 4 of my children (I include the old man in that number) I'd go stark raving bonkers!

Alx

Kell said...

You make a good point my love!
Its easy to feel a bit jaded at times but who doesnt?? I dont think its specific to Mums.
I can moan with the best of them but once my babies are tucked up in bed I do feel very satisfied with myself and the job I've done.
Us Mums dont get much thanks do we? Its nice to be reminded that the job we do is worthwhile and bloody hard.