Ok, I guess these are a bit like New Year's resolutions, but seeing as it's now April, I can't really call them that.
I think just recently I have been lacking motivation to do *anything* and my life feels very bitty, so maybe writing a list will help (although I admit that it doesn't force me to actually do anything)
1. Start eating healthily. This doesn't necessarily mean go on a diet, just cut out the rubbish I've been eating. Snacks are fine in between meals, as long as they are healthy snacks, which at the moment they definitely are not.
2. Book a check up for M at the paediatrician. This sounds like such a small and silly thing to do, but its a good indication of my lack of motivation recently, as this is his 18month checkup and he is now almost 20 months. No doubt the paed will have something to say about it, just like her pithy comment when she prescribed some Vitamin D for him this winter - "I'm only prescribing it this year, just to see if you can actually finish the entire course" (I made the mistake of admitting that last winter we didn't really give it to him very much, cos I didn't think it was that necessary). Also the fact that I delayed his first MMR by 6 months didn't go down very well, and at his 18 month checkup he is meant to have another Meningitis jab and another 5-in-1 (I'm going to decline the 5-in-1), so me and her have a peachy relationship! She's ok though, no need to change paeds or anything, I just have to be brave when I go!
3. Get my business http://www.dragonflyjane.com in some sort of order. We haven't done much with it since Christmas, and although E has lots of excuses (marriage, honeymoon, crap time at work), I have none. So I need to use the time when M is at Espace Bebes for 3 hours a week to get the accounts in order, design new pieces, and just generally get on top of things so we can plan another party.
4. Get the seeds planted. We may only have a balcony, but I really want to grow some of our own veg this year. We did it last year with tomatoes, but this year I want to do more. Its silly really, I want to do this stuff, I feel its important, but somehow I 'never get round to doing it', and its not as if I am really busy, I have time to do it, I just end up wasting time doing nothing.
I guess there's plenty more things I want to achieve, but I think I'll just leave it there for now. Too much stuff, and I'll just get overwhelmed as usual, and end up achieving nothing again. Maybe I'll leave the other stuff for next month...........
Friday, April 07, 2006
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Jaded-ness
I felt very sad the other night when I came home from dinner with a group of mums. Don't get me wrong, I had a good time, even though they weren't really my sort of people.
It was just that they all seemed so jaded. It was commented that I must be the one with the youngest child, as I was still so positive in my outlook. I admit that I was the only one there with less than 2 children, and I have no idea what difference more than 1 has on your life compared to just having a single child.
They just seemed to place such little value on what they do, what mothers do. They feel that they achieve nothing all day. One said (let's call her C) that it regularly takes her a couple of hours to get out of the house because her eldest just won't allow it. My reply to her was that she got out of the house eventually and so that was an achievement in itself. I understand that sometimes mums go from having a 'career' to being a SAHM and that the two worlds are very different, and it can open up a whole load of different emotions, guilt, inadequacy, etc but sometimes I feel that we only accent the negative stuff and don't celebrate the positive, however small it may be.
I just feel that mums do a fantastic job, and sometimes we don't feel like that, either because no one tells us (and we need telling every now and then) or because it doesn't feel like we achieve anything compared to the woman who leaves the house to go to work.
I certainly worry that I am frequently fobbing M off, when he wants to play, and to be honest, I just can't be bothered. But then even little things can teach him stuff and please him immensely. For example, just now, I pushed him up and down the hall on his ride-along, and even though I was wondering how I could stop pushing him without it causing a scene, I was trying to show him how to steer it so we didn't end up in the wall. Only a little thing, but important nonetheless, especially if you want to cut down on bruises and blood loss!
So, come on mums, value what you do, you are doing an extremely important and difficult job, and you know what, you're doing great!
It was just that they all seemed so jaded. It was commented that I must be the one with the youngest child, as I was still so positive in my outlook. I admit that I was the only one there with less than 2 children, and I have no idea what difference more than 1 has on your life compared to just having a single child.
They just seemed to place such little value on what they do, what mothers do. They feel that they achieve nothing all day. One said (let's call her C) that it regularly takes her a couple of hours to get out of the house because her eldest just won't allow it. My reply to her was that she got out of the house eventually and so that was an achievement in itself. I understand that sometimes mums go from having a 'career' to being a SAHM and that the two worlds are very different, and it can open up a whole load of different emotions, guilt, inadequacy, etc but sometimes I feel that we only accent the negative stuff and don't celebrate the positive, however small it may be.
I just feel that mums do a fantastic job, and sometimes we don't feel like that, either because no one tells us (and we need telling every now and then) or because it doesn't feel like we achieve anything compared to the woman who leaves the house to go to work.
I certainly worry that I am frequently fobbing M off, when he wants to play, and to be honest, I just can't be bothered. But then even little things can teach him stuff and please him immensely. For example, just now, I pushed him up and down the hall on his ride-along, and even though I was wondering how I could stop pushing him without it causing a scene, I was trying to show him how to steer it so we didn't end up in the wall. Only a little thing, but important nonetheless, especially if you want to cut down on bruises and blood loss!
So, come on mums, value what you do, you are doing an extremely important and difficult job, and you know what, you're doing great!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
He's Leaving Home!!!
Its true; a couple of minutes ago, M put his hat on, and my shoes, said bye-bye, blew me a kiss and walked out the door (my fault for forgetting to lock it).
As I type he is stood at the lift door, waiting for the lift to arrive, which it won't as he can't reach the call button. At least I hope he can't!!!
I didn't realise he was so eager to get away!!
As I type he is stood at the lift door, waiting for the lift to arrive, which it won't as he can't reach the call button. At least I hope he can't!!!
I didn't realise he was so eager to get away!!
Friday, February 17, 2006
Oh, the shame!
Right, I think I should pack my bags now.
This morning we went to wave daddy off at the lift just in our dressing gowns. The only difference between M and me was that I was wearing underwear. He still had no nappy on after his shower.
Dh left and I went back inside, knowing that M would follow in a couple of minutes when he was good and ready.
All of a sudden I hear "pee-pee". I rushed outside, but it was too late. He had peed right on the neighbours doorstep!! I quickly cleared it up, but I have this horrible feeling that some may have seeped under the door. What's worse is that I don't think anyone is living there at the moment, so it could be quite horrendous when they return.
I know that people have got chucked out of the building for a lot less, so we could find ourselves homeless very soon.........
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Illness? I'm a Mother!
It struck me the other day that since I had M, I have generally been less ill (appalling sentence structure there, but hey ho!).
And, when I do feel pants, it is just impossible for me to curl up in a ball like I used to. Almost to the point where I struggle through the day, knowing that I am ill, but not wanting it to get to me, but then as soon as A walks through the door at the end of the day, illness overcomes me, and I feel pants.
Why is that? Its because I'm a mother. How can I possibly let my son down; not spend time with him during the day; fall into the self-pitying stupor that I used to do?
I don't think that I soldier on regardless as such, just that I won't allow myself to get ill. Is that psychological? Does that mean that previously I used to not actually be that ill, but convince myself that I was, just because it was so easy back then to take a day out from life?
And I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm sure that legions of mothers do exactly the same thing. We convince ourselves that we feel fine, because what other option do we have?
When A is too sick to work, he doesn't go. When I am too sick to look after my son, what happens? I look after my son. A doesn't take time off work to look after M (or me for that matter!), because what would he say to his employers? He doesn't get paid for the first few sick days as it is, so saying that he's taking time off to look after his son is hardly going to go down well.
I'm not saying that if I was really ill, he would carry on working, just that in the past I would have taken time off for a lot less.
OK, I'm really not sure where I'm going with this. I had a point initially but it feels like its got lost somewhere along the way.
I guess its something that I just noticed, and felt worth commenting on (you may disagree!)
And, when I do feel pants, it is just impossible for me to curl up in a ball like I used to. Almost to the point where I struggle through the day, knowing that I am ill, but not wanting it to get to me, but then as soon as A walks through the door at the end of the day, illness overcomes me, and I feel pants.
Why is that? Its because I'm a mother. How can I possibly let my son down; not spend time with him during the day; fall into the self-pitying stupor that I used to do?
I don't think that I soldier on regardless as such, just that I won't allow myself to get ill. Is that psychological? Does that mean that previously I used to not actually be that ill, but convince myself that I was, just because it was so easy back then to take a day out from life?
And I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm sure that legions of mothers do exactly the same thing. We convince ourselves that we feel fine, because what other option do we have?
When A is too sick to work, he doesn't go. When I am too sick to look after my son, what happens? I look after my son. A doesn't take time off work to look after M (or me for that matter!), because what would he say to his employers? He doesn't get paid for the first few sick days as it is, so saying that he's taking time off to look after his son is hardly going to go down well.
I'm not saying that if I was really ill, he would carry on working, just that in the past I would have taken time off for a lot less.
OK, I'm really not sure where I'm going with this. I had a point initially but it feels like its got lost somewhere along the way.
I guess its something that I just noticed, and felt worth commenting on (you may disagree!)
Monday, February 13, 2006
Johari Window
I nicked this from Jodi's blog - Ta, Jodi!
One of these days I will actually write a proper post on here again, but for now you'll have to make do with this!
Go here to see my Johari window
Basically I need you guys to tell me what sort of person I am, or at least what sort of person you think I am!
One of these days I will actually write a proper post on here again, but for now you'll have to make do with this!
Go here to see my Johari window
Basically I need you guys to tell me what sort of person I am, or at least what sort of person you think I am!
Saturday, February 04, 2006
I Love Dead People!
OK, thats not strictly true, obviously, but I've just been watching a TOTP2 special on BBC Prime about Marc Bolan.
How sexy was that man? Looking at him has made me go all goosebumpy (although his hairstyles in 1976 were a bit rubbish)
Had to find a pic of him for on here.
How sexy was that man? Looking at him has made me go all goosebumpy (although his hairstyles in 1976 were a bit rubbish)
Had to find a pic of him for on here.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Should I get one?
| You Should Get an Abstract Tattoo |
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Monday, January 16, 2006
Babies and Bacon
As it's snowing outside, and M is having a kip, I thought I'd settle down with a cup of coffee and a biscuit to write my blog. All I need now is a roaring fire and the picture would be complete.
What have we been up to? Well, I became an auntie on Saturday. My sister gave birth to a little girl, Rosie Suzanne, weighing in at 7lb 7oz, at 6.45am. They were both home in the afternoon (she didn't get the homebirth she'd planned for) and I got to see them on the webcam that evening! She has lots of dark hair, and was sleeping when I saw her, so long may that continue!
Apart from that, Saturday was fairly uneventful, just shopping and stuff. I bought some more wool, as I was being far too optimistic in thinking that 4 balls of wool was going to make a cushion cover, so I now have 12 in total. I have absolutely no idea how many balls its going to take. Oh well, its nice wool, so if I have any left over, I'll just have to knit some clothes for M's baby doll.
Sunday was actually really lovely. I bought an English newspaper from the station, went to a café, and sat there for a lovely 2½ hours, reading and sipping coffee. Then A & M joined me for a late lunch. This café is the only place in Lausanne that we have found that does anything resembling a cooked breakfast, so A & I both ordered the John Steed (croissants, bread, jam, bacon, scrambled egg & sautéed potatoes). Admittedly the bacon is almost unrecognisable from what we are used to in the UK, but it's the thought that counts.
We ate that rather leisurely and then walked home. It was bitterly cold, but it was nice to come into the warm appartment and snuggle up in front of the tv.
Unfortunately, by late afternoon, both A & I were feeling under the weather, so we were probably paying less attention to M than he desired, so we had a few rounds on the naughty step. I feel bad when that happens, as partly it was our fault, but then I guess M has to learn at some point that he can't have what he wants all the time. I just don't know if it's too soon for him to learn it.
I made some bread rolls for dinner to go with some tuna & sweetcorn mayo and also dried out some old veggies to then freeze and grind up to make sort of vegetable bouillon powder. I have no idea how its going to turn out, but it was worth a try.
A & I then had a lazy evening in front of the tv (nothing really worth watching, except this Derren Brown thing where he tries to convince 4 middle managers to rob a bank - amazing viewing). I went to bed pretty early to read The Secret History by Donna Tartt. After the first couple of pages I thought that it was going to be rubbish, but then I have really got into it, so much so that I didn't want to put it down, and I have a feeling that I haven't even got to the best bit yet!
What have we been up to? Well, I became an auntie on Saturday. My sister gave birth to a little girl, Rosie Suzanne, weighing in at 7lb 7oz, at 6.45am. They were both home in the afternoon (she didn't get the homebirth she'd planned for) and I got to see them on the webcam that evening! She has lots of dark hair, and was sleeping when I saw her, so long may that continue!
Apart from that, Saturday was fairly uneventful, just shopping and stuff. I bought some more wool, as I was being far too optimistic in thinking that 4 balls of wool was going to make a cushion cover, so I now have 12 in total. I have absolutely no idea how many balls its going to take. Oh well, its nice wool, so if I have any left over, I'll just have to knit some clothes for M's baby doll.
Sunday was actually really lovely. I bought an English newspaper from the station, went to a café, and sat there for a lovely 2½ hours, reading and sipping coffee. Then A & M joined me for a late lunch. This café is the only place in Lausanne that we have found that does anything resembling a cooked breakfast, so A & I both ordered the John Steed (croissants, bread, jam, bacon, scrambled egg & sautéed potatoes). Admittedly the bacon is almost unrecognisable from what we are used to in the UK, but it's the thought that counts.
We ate that rather leisurely and then walked home. It was bitterly cold, but it was nice to come into the warm appartment and snuggle up in front of the tv.
Unfortunately, by late afternoon, both A & I were feeling under the weather, so we were probably paying less attention to M than he desired, so we had a few rounds on the naughty step. I feel bad when that happens, as partly it was our fault, but then I guess M has to learn at some point that he can't have what he wants all the time. I just don't know if it's too soon for him to learn it.
I made some bread rolls for dinner to go with some tuna & sweetcorn mayo and also dried out some old veggies to then freeze and grind up to make sort of vegetable bouillon powder. I have no idea how its going to turn out, but it was worth a try.
A & I then had a lazy evening in front of the tv (nothing really worth watching, except this Derren Brown thing where he tries to convince 4 middle managers to rob a bank - amazing viewing). I went to bed pretty early to read The Secret History by Donna Tartt. After the first couple of pages I thought that it was going to be rubbish, but then I have really got into it, so much so that I didn't want to put it down, and I have a feeling that I haven't even got to the best bit yet!
Friday, January 13, 2006
Oogle googling
This one seems to be doing the rounds (nicked it from Al) so I thought I'd join in. Go to Google Images and post the first picture that comes up when you type in:
Name of town where you were born:
Name of town where you live now:
Your Name:
Your Grandma's Name:
Your favourite Food:
Your favourite drink:
Your favourite smell:
Some of them are fairly obvious, maybe next time, I'll use say the third image, cos some of them were weird!
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Getting the Needle
Well, even though it will completely shock and surprise some of you, I have bought some knitting needles, and some wool and I have started to knit a cushion cover!
As a kid, however hard my mother tried, I just couldn't seem to get the hang of knitting (thought it might be to do with bring left-handed and being taught right-handed). It was far from a relaxing pastime for me, more like a laborious chore!
But today, with the help of the faithful Internet, I managed to cast on and do a few rows before M wanted to play, so as long as I keep it up, new cushions here we come! I have no idea if the number of stitches I cast on will be the right size for the cushion inner (which I haven't bought yet), but I'm sure I'll figure it out.
As a kid, however hard my mother tried, I just couldn't seem to get the hang of knitting (thought it might be to do with bring left-handed and being taught right-handed). It was far from a relaxing pastime for me, more like a laborious chore!
But today, with the help of the faithful Internet, I managed to cast on and do a few rows before M wanted to play, so as long as I keep it up, new cushions here we come! I have no idea if the number of stitches I cast on will be the right size for the cushion inner (which I haven't bought yet), but I'm sure I'll figure it out.
I've probably bought the wring type of wool for my first project. Its all bobbly, and the bobbles (which are really quite big) keep getting in the way. Still, if I had bought some wool that I wasn't that fussed about, it would've been pointless to even start.
My tension seems to be pretty tight too, but I guess that'll come with practice. I'm am just literally knitting at the moment, no purl or anything else. Still, to complete something will be a huge achievement for me, so best to keep it simple.
Last night we had friends round for Mexican and poker. It was good fun. P managed to clean up, even though he was adamant at the start that he had no clue how to play. Think he was using his French-ness (well, ykwim) as a convincing bluff.
We didn't play for money, which was just as well, as the boys particularly were going a bit crazy with their bets.
Today M is getting his haircut. I've cut it twice before with the clippers, but since its got long, there is no way its going back to the crewcut that I gave him, so I'll be forking out 20CHF to get it done at a childrens hairdresser (who also bizarrely sells shoes). Just hope he sits still for long enough.
M's favourite game at the moment is wandering around with a small tub of pasta, filling any receptacle that he can find. At least its dried pasta! I'm sure I'm going to be finding pasta in all sorts of weird places. I need to think what other things we can do with filling and emptying (hopefully stuff that doesn't make too much mess!)
Monday, January 09, 2006
Number One
Well, I guess it had to be done..........
I imagine that posting will be thin on the ground, seeing as I am very flaky with things like this, and my commitment to projects like this is not outstanding.
My motivation behind this (because to be honest, I've never written a diary) is to provide friends and family who we've moved away from, which is most of them (it's nothing personal, honest!), with an update (I won't say regular, as it's unlikely to be) of whats going on in our lives.
This also means that I can use it as an excuse for being so crap at using the phone, so it's for selfish reasons too.
I might even be able to post a few pictures at some point too!
So, what about my day?
Well, M slept until 7.30am which, given the last few nights we've had since he's been ill, is fantastic. I slept really well, and felt pretty refreshed this morning.
I then spent the morning doing the usual houseworky things, and of course, creating this blog.
Realised at 10.45 that there was only one bread roll in the freezer, so quickly stuck some stuff in the breadmaker in the hope that it would be done for lunchtime.
Then M went for his nap, and I settled into the bath, which is a rare event for me. Don't know why I don't do it more often, especially when M is kipping.
I must apologise if this blog starts out rather boring and samey. I expect that in time I will find a style that I feel comfortable writing in, but until then, you'll just have to make do with a rundown of my day!
I imagine that posting will be thin on the ground, seeing as I am very flaky with things like this, and my commitment to projects like this is not outstanding.
My motivation behind this (because to be honest, I've never written a diary) is to provide friends and family who we've moved away from, which is most of them (it's nothing personal, honest!), with an update (I won't say regular, as it's unlikely to be) of whats going on in our lives.
This also means that I can use it as an excuse for being so crap at using the phone, so it's for selfish reasons too.
I might even be able to post a few pictures at some point too!
So, what about my day?
Well, M slept until 7.30am which, given the last few nights we've had since he's been ill, is fantastic. I slept really well, and felt pretty refreshed this morning.
I then spent the morning doing the usual houseworky things, and of course, creating this blog.
Realised at 10.45 that there was only one bread roll in the freezer, so quickly stuck some stuff in the breadmaker in the hope that it would be done for lunchtime.
Then M went for his nap, and I settled into the bath, which is a rare event for me. Don't know why I don't do it more often, especially when M is kipping.
I must apologise if this blog starts out rather boring and samey. I expect that in time I will find a style that I feel comfortable writing in, but until then, you'll just have to make do with a rundown of my day!
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